Guys, Raising Men Starts with your Wife

Note: this is a bit longer (6 minute read) but it sets the tone for all that will come after.

Guys - The title of this, "Guys, Raising Men Starts with your Wife" is meant to elicit some feelings from you, like Whaaaat? But, before you get too far down a path I'm not trying to send you down, let's talk about how much we mean to God as men, how He expects us to treat our wives, how that sets the tone for how we lead our families and how that will have a massive impact on how we raise authentic men. Girl dads, don't dismay, I've got some nuggets in here for you too. How you treat your wives is ultimately how you teach your daughters their true value and worth. (I'm going to write a full post for girl dads with my daughter, Shelby, down the road)

So who is raising the men in your home?

According to the latest pew research (their data is conspicuously higher than all other sources I reviewed) less than 31% of men go to church weekly and of those even fewer read a bible daily. Women are better with more than 40% attending church weekly and daily reading of the bible. So here is the "man in the mirror question." Guys are you really raising the men in your homes?

I'm going to start here:

Raising men starts on Sunday morning. If you're not leading your family to church, you're not raising authentic men.

This isn't meant to be a rebuke, this is meant to provide an easy place for you to start. Guys, God wants our first fruits, this includes our sons. This starts on Sunday. He desires to see you first thing Sunday morning, giving Him the first of your time each week. He wants to see you leading your wife and kids to church, teaching them how to worship, setting the example of glorifying and praising Him. This is an easy first step to take in giving God the first of everything and setting the example of what authentic manhood looks like. Your sons need to see this from you. This also teaches your daughter what a Godly husband looks like, what God expects of husbands, how God defines her true value and that He sees her as spiritually equal to her husband, even under his headship. As men, God has given us so much power and responsibility to shape generations. When generations fall away, it's our responsibility as men, It's us that have failed, not God. God has made us in his image, He designed us to have headship over our families and He expects us to lead in that way, one generation of authentic men can change the world.

Exodus 22:29 - You shall not delay to offer from the fullness of your harvest and from the outflow of your presses. The firstborn of your sons you shall give to me.

It is our responsibility as fathers to deliver our sons to the Kingdom, the bible tells us to raise them up in the way they should go, so when they are old they won't depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6). The concept of being a firstborn is an important one to the way society worked in the Old Testament. Exodus 22:29 served as a reminder of God's power and redemption he provided for the Israelites; the first born male son under the blood covenant carried a lot of rights and responsibilities. I'm actually going to dive deeper into this down the road. But, what God is saying to Israel in Ex 22:29-30 is that you are my first born, my chosen people. The beauty here for us and why I'm discussing this, is that Jesus came and offered himself, perfect and blameless for us(2 Corinthians 5:21) Ultimately God loves us (you and I) so much that He extended the rights of being a first born to all of us, we are righteous. Here is the thing about being a first born, it carries a lot of rights, as I mentioned above, BUT it also carries a lot responsibilities. Guys, God considers you the first born of your family, that's why you have headship in your homes. Someday each of your sons will be the first born of their families.

How do you want them to lead as men?

From the very beginning of the bible, God has been very detailed in how He created man, how and why He provided us a partner (wife) and the exact responsibilities around loving and caring for our wife and our family. Let's dive in here, Genesis 1:26 - "Then God said let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let him have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over all livestock and over all earth and over every creeping thing that creeps the earth." He continues in Genesis 1:27-28 - "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth." Then he talks about the relationship between a husband and wife Genesis 2:24 - "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh"

Men, your wife is a gift from God. Have any of you ever had to answer that question "if your wife and child are both drowning who do you save"? Big hint, the answer is your wife. That's the expectation God has for you, your wife is a gift, she is meant to be the one and only. God can bless you with more children, but He only intends to provide you with one wife. So let's look at some scripture.

He who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favor from God - (Proverbs 18:22)

House and Wealth are inherited from Fathers, but a prudent wife is a gift from God - (Proverbs 19:14)

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels - (Proverbs 31:10)

The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. - (Proverbs 31:11-12)

The thing about being an authentic man, above all else, is that we are called to Love our wife and children. While I personally think that raising boys needs to include learning how to hunt and fish (feed themselves and their families) how to handle a firearm, a bow, drive a manual transmission, ride a motorcycle, take a carburetor apart and rebuild it, repair a small engine, operate a tractor, build stuff like a rock wall, hang drywall, or put up a fence... That's really not God's thought process for what an authentic man looks like, but I think He likes that. So what's God's thoughts on being an authentic man?

We are commanded to love our wife, as Jesus loved the church and laid down his life for her (Ephesians 5:25) Guys, what God is saying is that there are no bounds for how much you should love your wife and He expects you to stand in the gap - even laying down your life.

We are to love our wives and not be harsh with them (Colossians 3:19)

We are told to flee from things that are evil and we should pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness. (1 Timothy 6:11)

Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong, let all that you do be done in love. (1 Corinthians 16:13-14)

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8)

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep unity of the spirit through the bond of peace (Ephesians 4:2-3)

Ultimately we are expected to mirror Jesus in how we lead as men. He is the perfect example, He is the "authentic man" and we are called to be an image bearer, to uphold the example of manhood that Jesus lived out and is documented in the Gospels. That's why it's often said that our marriages should be a reflection of the Gospels. I would encourage you to think of and seek out the examples of how Jesus treated all the women he interacted with across his ministry.

Ok, here we go, buckle up; Ephesians 5:25-33 "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for here, that he may sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of the water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves himself loves his wife. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."

Guys, this is an important charge. It starts with our relationship with God in the Garden of Eden. He made man in his image and then He saw fit to make woman for us - a gift. Then, God says to us "Hey son, I love you so much, I hand selected one of my daughters for you and this is how I want you to treat her" It's His expectation for us, He is the ultimate father. (Jehova Abba) I want to be clear on this point, it's His expectation for us as men. In another post I will talk about our call to be leaders (overseers) within the church and how being an authentic man is a requirement for eligibility to lead within the church. But here is that scripture for you.

1 Timothy 3:2-7 Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober minded, self controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church. He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into condemnation of the devil. Moreover he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil.

Being an authentic man is to be above reproach, it's not easy and it never has been. But it is now and always has been, very, very worth it. Guys when you demonstrate Ephesians 5:25-33 and 1 Timothy 3:2-7, God blesses you, but second you demonstrate through your direct actions to your sons, how God expects us to love and care for our wives. You also teach your daughters the expectations they should have for their boyfriends and for a future husband, this will help them make good decisions, they will accept nothing less than how they watched you treat their mom. You also teach your sons the tenets of true servant leadership. That's what leadership looks like to God.

So here it is guys, raising authentic men absolutely starts with your wife. It starts with how you treat her, how you speak about her, how you behave in every aspect of that relationship. It carries over to how you lead your family and how you give your first fruits to God. It's how you teach your daughter what her true value and worth are and how she should identify the right qualities in the men she dates and ultimately the man she will marry. It's how you show your wife that you love her and recognize that she is a gift from God, that you hold her as a spiritual equal, how you demonstrate proper headship over your family and how you achieve the authentic manhood that you will pass down to your sons, so they to can be a man, unashamed.